Gori Tere Pyaar Mein- A bridge to perdition

 

There is a profound line in popular sitcom Friends where Joey talks about a Moo point- when you say or do something that is pointless, its like a Cow’s opinion, It doesn't matter-Its Moo… Gori Tere Pyaar Mein evokes similar sentiments. Would it have mattered if the film had not been made? No- It’s a Moo-vie. Its pointless, it interests no one. Looks like the director chewed lazily on the grasslands of repetitive story-lines and then regurgitated this movie that is as interesting as a bale of hay.

It has all the ingredients from Kjo’s checklist though. Imran Khan, who has been coming of age in films since his debut, and now sports chest hair. Kareena Kapoor Khan, who makes no effort to conceal her age inspite of being a leading lady, the customary songs by the customary Vishal-Shekhar, rich, good looking people, and stereotypical Punjabis and Tamilians.

The movie starts with a ..yawn.. dance number where Imran Khan proves he is cool and unwilling to conform by drinking tequila shots, making out in dark passageways and partying with a hot chick who for some reason starts undressing in the course of the song.As some one who has lived amongst Tambrahms for 21 years and still has several of them as friends, there is one thing I can assure you. You can take the Tambrahm out of India but you can’t take the Tambrahm out of the Indian. Living abroad certainly can’t get them to start singing songs in Punjabi while doing bhangra. Wouldn’t it have just been simpler to keep him Punjabi and focus on the story instead? Anyway, let’s keep this bovine drama moving.So we meet Sriram(Imran Khan), the inexplicably Punjabi looking Tamilian who is a misfit in his family, remarkably self centered, and as required by all Hindi rom-coms he is clueless, smooth talking and fond of the opposite sex. In short he is annoying. In fact if he didn't look good, this movie may never have been made.

Bored by his own Legen-wait for it-dary awesomeness he agrees to marry Vasudha (Shraddha Kapoor) who wears her sari with a hint of cleavage and looks like she was bathed in fair and lovely from birth. But surprise surprise she is in love with a Sikh environmentalist who waits tables and sings so badly he should be dumped. Sriram tells Vasu about his ex girlfriend Dia (Kareena), who wait for it, is a Punjabi social worker. She changes her causes as fast as she changes her crisp cottons and has multiple personalities that sympathise with everything from the lack of bathrooms to AIDS.

Sriram meets Dia at a wedding, sings in Punjabi about her derriere and gets 'tooh' close for comfort. A couple of weeks later however they supposedly get into a relationship. Supposedly. The lead pair look perpetually awkward and never really in love, so it’s hard to tell what the fuss is about. Dia refuses to descend from her moral high horse and Sriram has no morals anyway. What a novel approach to opposites attract.. slow clap...They break up, but on the day of his wedding to Vasu, he realises that Dia still had a few sermons left, and flees to meet her. He travels Ray bans and all, to Jhumli, a village which is connected to the rest of India by a narrow rope bridge.
Kareena is sure to become brand ambassador for a sunscreen brand and dry cleaning service after this movie. Inspite of toiling is a dusty village she maintains a remarkable complexion and wears Fab India’s winter collection to work. To win his preachy peach like Gori back, Imran who is an architect, decides to build a bridge across the river. How an architect becomes qualified to undertake a feat of engineering is beyond me. Anyway, by this point I really didn't care if Kareena married Imran or a tree.

The deal is if you want to make a fluffy rom com film, make it by all means, but then don’t preach to me about the how much sugar there is in it or how poor children in India don’t eat cotton candy. 

Imran Khan tries very hard but all one can see is a wannabe Ranbir Kapoor image that does not suit him at all. He looks too goody two shoes to be a bad boy. His eyes though have a strange depth and sincerity that flashes occasionally and perhaps speaks of untapped acting potential. He must really break out of this vanilla ice cream mold and explore some other flavours and scripts. Kareena Kapoor is sadly miscast and looks tired and bored. Don’t blame her, so were the 8 people watching the movie with me. And FYI Punit Malhotra, Tamilian Brahmins don’t wear polki and chiffon at their weddings, nor do the mothers of the bride wear white and gold Kerala sarees. Gujratis don’t eat Dhokla everyday and I would really like to see a Punjabi family that is not celebrating a wedding.  Please stay away from this Gor(i)y mess- and that’s not a Moo point.