GOLIYON KI RASLEELA-RAM LEELA

Lovers propose, families oppose and hence they each other dispose. The third love story of the year based on Romeo and Juliet, Ram Leela tells the story of Ram and Leela (surprise!!) who make out, then elope and finally for reasons they know best, decide to jump in slow motion into beautiful aquamarine water. But before we discuss this work of fiction lets get some facts straight.

Fact 1: Romeo and Juliet were teenagers when they supposedly fell in love and then died. Juliet was 13-14 and Romeo was not older than 16.

Fact 2: Romeo and Juliet did not commit joint suicide. Their deaths were the result of a misunderstanding and good intentions gone wrong.

If anything else, their deaths are a scary reminder of how young children can be foolish and impulsive. Like the many cases of suicides we see today where young kids kill themselves over the smallest disappointments. Adults in their 20’s who are otherwise bold and defiant, killing each other just does not seem plausible.

Anyway, let’s start at the very beginning. There is something rotten in the state of Ranjhar. Saneda’s and Rajadis have been at war for 500 years. They are literally piss-ed off, and spend their many idle hours shooting each other. They brandish their masculinity with the most phallic looking weapons, since being virile and violent is what being a man is about. There is no great explanation given as to why these clans hate each other so much. Adding layers and complexity into a script is perhaps second to making each frame look like an Incredible India postcard.

It does look incredible. Rich maroons and reds, silken hues of blue and green and milky softness of creams and whites. But then you realise that it’s just about appearances. While the movie has some fantastic cinematography and really well choreographed garba sequences, the director never allows us to actually root for Ram and Leela. What makes them tick, what are their complementary imperfections, what is force that keeps them together? We are never really told. Though Ranveer and Deepika make a genuine attempt at getting it right, their characters are given no arc to travel on.
Bollywood films also seem to be increasingly obsessed with the physicality of its lead actors.  Ranveer Singh thrusts his crotch at women ogling over him in his mandatory hero entry song, and has a long list of the women he has slept with. 

 Ranveer does interest you initially because of the sheer sincerity with which he takes on the copious crassness, but then there are just so many geeli lungis you can talk about. So Ram, our moustached macho man crashes the Saneda Holi party where he bumps into Leela. She is awesome because she carries a gun that she uses, and takes the initiative to kiss Ram - ladies first yo! The next thing we know, Ram does a Mowgli, and climbs up trees to Leela’s  balcony for a quick make out session since conversations have no place in a passionate love story. They point weapons and more and decide to run away since their families would never understand their relationship. At this point we don’t either.All is smoochy smooth till the best sequence of the film takes place. Another display at machismo goes dreadfully wrong and for a brief moment you get a glimpse of what a masterpiece this movie could have been.  Brothers are lost and to mourn their loss the two decide to elope to at a conveniently close by motel.

 Ram goes from being charming to chauvinistic, and Leela suddenly realises that the path to third base is paved with ek chutki sindoorrrr. After an inexplicable Kamasutra inspired dance where one was constantly worried that Ranveer’s lungi would slide off, third base gets interrupted.  Then it gets really hard to remember the sequence of things going wrong. Fingers get snapped off by nut crackers and women are chased around with lingering close-ups of backless cholis. Eye for eye and rape for rape decide the men, since a woman’s body is the route to public shame and private voyeurism. Papers are signed that legalise mass killings, and at this point one does not have the energy to question the implausible events unfolding one after the other.

Ram does a rowdy Rathore and indulges in some south style action, but cannot stand up for the woman he wants to spend his life with. Leela is habitually defiant and yet when she finally has the power to set things right, she indulges in inane arguments while using spittoons to insult. How do these two young adults with spunk and sex appeal turn into suicidal fatalists? Go figure.

The most important job of a movie is to make us feel. It has to be evocative and insightful. And as anybody who has actually fallen and remained in love will tell you, the emotion is an all consuming force. It propels you forward, giving you strength of character that never existed before. It makes you want to live each day for a few more hours just to be with that special person. Love, is like a well cooked Dum Biryani… It takes time, effort, patience and the right intention. There are no short cuts in the recipe. This Romeo and Juliet look dishy, but with every spoonful you realise, it tastes nothing like love.